GIVE HIM 1,000 CHANCES - PROTECT MEN FROM ACCOUNTABILITY

The same men who flood comment sections urging women to be patient, to stay, to give chance after chance, are the very same ones who, the moment a woman finally leaves an abusive relationship, ask: "But why did you stay so long?"

Think about that for a second. Stay, and you're stupid for tolerating his behaviour. Leave, and you're reckless for moving on. There is no correct answer because the question was never about your wellbeing. It was designed so that blame always lands on you, and responsibility never lands on him.

It's a lose-lose situation that was engineered that way to protect men and erase accountability.

These are also the men who complain endlessly that women don't appreciate good men, that women are attracted to toxic partners. And yet they spend their energy online convincing women to stay in toxic relationships, normalise mistreatment, and keep extending grace to men who repeatedly show them who they are.

You cannot tell women to tolerate bad behaviour and then turn around and blame them for being in bad relationships. When you encourage women to accept mistreatment as normal, you are directly feeding the cycle you claim to despise.

This is not harmless internet rhetoric. Telling women to absorb repeated mistreatment keeps them trapped in relationships, in cycles of self-doubt, resentment, and self-blame. It teaches women to question their own instincts rather than trust them. It reframes a man's bad behaviour as a woman's failure to be patient enough.

This advice was never about helping women build healthy relationships. It's about giving men the freedom to behave badly without facing the natural consequence of losing a partner who deserves better.

The playbook is straightforward once you recognise it: create the problem, shift the blame, then position yourself as the authority on how the affected person should respond to the problem you created. Men who push this narrative don't care about whether you are happy, safe, or treated with dignity. They care about preserving their access to you, on their terms, with no consequences attached.

Your instinct to leave when you are being mistreated is not a character flaw. It is self-respect functioning exactly as it should. Trust it.

Disclaimer:

I am not your therapist, attorney, or doctor. I cannot diagnose you, represent you, prescribe anything, or replace professional support. What I can offer in good faith is a thoughtful perspective from someone who understands the social, cultural, and political landscape most of us are navigating in South Africa, without judgment, without an agenda, and without compensation.