BLAME PATRIARCHY FOR CALLING MEN "BROKE LOSERS"

The observation is accurate. Society does apply different standards to men and women in the same jobs. A woman in retail is celebrated for being self-sufficient. A man in the same position is quietly or sometimes not so quietly judged.

But this did not come from women. It did not come from feminism. It came from patriarchy, a system built and maintained by men, which decided that a man's worth is measured entirely by his income, his status, and his ability to provide. Men set that standard for themselves and for each other. Long before any woman had a platform to weigh in, men were already mocking other men for being broke.

You cannot design a hierarchy that ranks men by wealth and power, and then be surprised when men at the bottom of that hierarchy feel worthless.

Here is the actual difference between how men and women experience the working world right now. Feminism fought and is still fighting for women's right to take pride in any work they do. It dismantled the idea that women are too weak, too emotional, or too limited for certain roles. That fight is why a woman at Shoprite can be proud. She is defying a system that once excluded her entirely.

Men have not had that same liberation. Patriarchy never offered them one. Instead it doubled down insisting that real men earn big and never need help. Any man who falls short of that standard does not just face judgement from women. He faces it from other men first.

If you are a man working a retail job and you feel looked down on, the question worth asking is: who exactly is looking down on you? It is not women who created the concept of a "high-value man" and weaponised it against everyone who does not qualify. That language, that hierarchy, that measuring stick was built by men. Men enforce it. Men internalise it until they see themselves as worthless unless they are outearning everyone in the room.

Blaming women for the emotional consequences of a system women had no hand in designing is not just inaccurate. It is a way of avoiding the harder, more necessary conversation about what patriarchy actually costs men and who keeps paying the price to maintain it.

The solution is not to find someone to blame. It is to stop defending a system that was never designed with ordinary men's wellbeing in mind. Patriarchy benefits men at the very top. For everyone else, it sets an impossible standard and then punishes them for not reaching it.

Women found their way out by rejecting the rules that diminished them. Men have the same option but it requires admitting that the rules were wrong to begin with, not redirecting the frustration at the people who were never in charge of writing them.

Disclaimer:

I am not your therapist, attorney, or doctor. I cannot diagnose you, represent you, prescribe anything, or replace professional support. What I can offer in good faith is a thoughtful perspective from someone who understands the social, cultural, and political landscape most of us are navigating in South Africa, without judgment, without an agenda, and without compensation.